The Unfortunate First Death of Arachnophobia
by Zatroopa
Summary: Ever wondered why Arachnophobia failed at first? Why Lord Death didn't see that Asura was a bit nutty? Why is Arachne constantly drunk? Well read this tale of whimsy and comedy and find out exactly why Arachne got herself screwed over by Medusa and maybe we'll pay for therapy after. But we won't. Rated T for Time.


**The Unfortunate First Death of Arachnophobia.**

* * *

Arachne was wondering how she was going to handle thing from here.

It had been a decade since Arachnophobia had first started and she had no attracted quite the following, having thousands of humans and Witches both ready to sacrifice themselves to make sure she was in charge, her secret council of five were preparing for the next step _and _her new secret weapon was going to annihilate everything in her pa-

"Oy, Arachne? Are ya listening?" Giriko, one of her first willing participants in Weapon creation, rudely cut into her monologue, bringing her back to earth. "We're trying to plan our next move."

"Do not be so disrespectful that you forget your place." Ah Mosquito, his politeness was only matched by his attractiveness during peace time. "Or should I just rip out your spine now and get it over with?"

If only he wasn't completely fucking bonkers.

Giriko and Mosquito now looked like they were going to fight, Giriko summoning chains while Mosquito was increasing the pressure of his soul which meant that the entire region could be destroyed if she didn't do something.

"Enough, you fools! You dare battle in front of my illustrious sister?" Shaula was always so nice and loyal, Arachne actually liked the younger sister who was always so kind and caring to her. Plus she knew her way around poisons and had bitching irises.

Giriko was the first to back down in the face of the idea that Arachne could be offended while Mosquito simply apologised to his leader who had such power to stop him in his reckless past. "We forgot ourselves, please forgive us."

"Yes, forgive the bug."

"Once we have won the battle, we shal-"

"But we haven't have we?" Medusa was another voice in the inner council who seemed to only want a fight to occur. "So until then, those lower then us should stay quiet, right Arachne?"

"It is through conflict that lower beings surpass their betters, however, so should they not fight to evolve?" Viral, a subject of interest due to his powers, cut in. He had...powers which meant that he could hold his own in combat and has proven to be just as skilled as Shaula in his field.

Now was not the time to ponder, now was the time for action and striking where the enemy is weak.

"Enough of debating evolution." Arachne ordered as she banged her Gravel of Justice onto the table, catching the attention of the room. "Where are we in terms of influence in areas outside Central Europe?"

"Our guy in Venice just got those Crusaders to head straight for Constantinople, meaning those pretentious dicks in Rome and elsewhere are going to be distracted from us." Giriko was grinning as he said this, knowing that soon the impenetrable city would soon be nothing but a glorified ruin.

And they would regret calling him a weirdo for hitting on that girl.

They all would.

"Most areas are still quiet, meaning that Lord Death could still catch us, it would be advisable to step-up production of Weapons and prepare for attacks." Mosquito was happy to serve this new master, mostly because she knew her booze, but also because she had the authority to attract men. Plus she was not harsh on the eyes with a rack like Arachne's.

"Weapons are good but we still have not gained enough of a technology gap to make up for Lord Death, Eibon and Asura all fighting against us." Medusa was always averse to conflict with Lord Death now.

In fact, she was acting very suspicious ever since she began to shout out all of their plans and Lord Death seemed to be doing a better job at attacking Arachnophobia's bases.

"Giriko and Lady Arachne will deal with Death as Mosquito and I battle with Asura." Viral pointed out as he then turned to Shaula and Medusa before giving off a cocky grin. "You two get the easy job of Eibon."

Arachne took the available bottle of champagne and drank the whole thing as Viral just had to be witty and caused another fight to break out among the council.

It was like living with a bunch of toddlers.

"No."

Her voice got Giriko to stop threatening to 'help replace the stick up your butt, Medusa' and Shaula to stop calling Mosquito 'a suck-up who wishes to take my place in illustrious sister's grand design' and Viral to step off from Arachne's liquor cabinet.

"What was that, Arachne?" Medusa asked as said sister then realised that she would need to find an excuse to have gotten them to shut the hell up other then her hangover. For some reason, people did not admire leaders with hangovers.

"We should not move until Mabaa is dealt with."

"Why?" Shaula asked, shockingly without praising the dirt Arachne walked on, and she recalled Mabaa becoming a bit more...senile over the years, with that weird verbal tic of hers.

Rolling her eyes, Arachne answered her sometimes silly sister. "She still knows things that could be essential with ending Lord Death."

"You do recall the 'Nyamu' thing, right, illustrious sister?" Shaula pointed out, wondering if it was just her who heard Mabaa say such a ting "She'll probably become a crazy cat lady by the next Witches Meeting."

Murmurs of agreement could be heard throughout the room, except from Medusa.

"Crazy cat lady or not, she is still powerful enough to match Lord Death in combat." Arachne finally said, then blinking and realising that it wasn't just her who noticed something strange last Witches Meeting. "I wasn't the only one to notice Nyamu?"

"Nope."

"I thought it was something she always did."

"Bitches be crazy."

"I think she's just fine."

Medusa got five pairs of glares for that.

"You're just saying that because she approved of cutting up me into little pieces." It was hard not to take such a thing as anything other then personal, being threatened with five deaths (however the hell that was supposed to work after one) was not exactly a nice thing to deal with.

Giriko now realised that he did not know a very important piece of information that he really should know.

"Where are we anyway?" He trusted Arachne with his and his non-existent children's life but he had the feeling that this was a place that could not replenish his bottle and would leave him to a existence worse then death.

Hours of sobriety.

"I think we are FIVE MILES SOUTH OF PRAGUE!" Medusa declared in a loud voice, causing an unwelcome echo to boom into the ears of the dark room's other occupants.

"WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?" Giriko snapped as he could feel the sensation of inebriation leaving him and causing him to become a withered husk of himself.

Mosquito also looked very annoyed as he coughed irritably and gave Medusa a look, then again all it did was cause Medusa to admire the looks of the vampire. "It is not like you, Medusa, to do such a thing."

The snake witch had the feeling that they were catching onto her betrayal, now would be a good time to flee.

"No reason." She quickly said as she then tried to find an excuse to get the hell out of this room in the middle of nowhere and out to sweet freedom to do her own experiments. "Well, I best be going. I have to go...to the toilet."

No one looked like they believed her or they really did not want her to leave.

"I thought we agreed on no potty-"

Mosquito had been interrupted by the sounds of an explosion destroying the roof of the room and revealing the intimidating forms of Lord Death, the strongest being in the world, and his super best friend, Asura the Trustworthy. Both looked like they were about to kick some enemy butt with the power of teamwork.

The girlish shrieks in response were not just from Shaula, Giriko and Mosquito would soon agree to never mention that incident again. The people in the room began to flee for their lives as they could hear Witches arriving with the not-comforting sounds of 'Death to the Heretic'.

"ARACHNE GORGON! IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO MEET YOUR END!" Lord Death roared as he spun his Scythe around, causing the very air around it to be manipulated by the very scythe itself, truly a display of great pow-

"Really? I thought we were going to have a parade."

Leave it to Asura to ruin Death's fun.

"Asura, is this really the time for sarcasm?" Lord Death looked very annoyed at having his bubble burst by his comrade.

In response, Asura looked like his mentor just suggested that Asura ignore teenagers with blonde hair and pigtails. "I am offended that you even think there isn't a time for that." One of the guards of Arachnophobia tried to take advantage of the banter to attack and was mouth-blasted for his troubles. "I wouldn't do that."

That display of power reminded Lord Death to ask his trustworthy friend about the very uncomfortable topic of Vajra's new living arrangements.

"About that..." Was it a thing for Vajra or what? "Is Vajra really okay about living in your stomach?"

_"No!"_

"Yes."

"What was that sound?"

"Oh, he just thinks that you're doing a great job." Asura quickly said in response to get Death off his back. "And that he doesn't want a raise."

_"What? He won't believe that load of-"_

"Thank goodness, he was getting very whiny about that."

_"Oh fuck you, you think this is fun?"_ The Weapon shouted from Asura's stomach. _"Screw it...make sure to give one for me, Asura."_

"Got it."

"Got what?" Lord Death was now somewhat suspicious of Asura the Trustworthy.

"The deal..." The soon-to-be Kishin tried to think of how to finish that in a non-evil way. "Of life."

"I think we're letting them get away." Death really had to admit that idle conversation was not exactly a good thing to do since now Arachne, Shaula and that other person was gone and only Giriko and Mosquito were left.

Asura winked with his middle eye, something that creeped Death right the fuck out, and went to deal with the two lieutenants of Arachne's army while Death could focus on Arachne.

"Wassup?" Mosquito was really hoping that this would catch on with the younger generation.

"You don't want any of this." Asura simply said as he hoped to kill those two and get one step closer to ascending above fear and scoring with that blonde girl he saw back in England with the strong soul and blonde pi-

"Bring it, ya three eyed, anorexic, freak." Oh that guy with the chains was sooo dead.

Medusa was currently getting out of the base while she still could, hoping that she could escape before Arachne caught up with her and tried to-

"MEDUSA!" Too late, Medusa was going to have to use drastic measures as she turned to see a pissed off, drunk witch with a fire in her eyes. "I'M REALLY PISSED OFF NOW!"

Luckily, she had some tricks up her sleeves. "Eat cobras!" A bunch of dead snakes soon shot out of her arms and landed onto the floor. "Damn colder European climates."

It did explain why she didn't feel them moving though.

Arachne was about to do indescribable things to Medusa when a figure shot towards Arachne and she barely dodged a scythe slash aimed for her midsection, revealing Lord Death's figure preparing to charge again.

"Wassup Arachne?" Lord Death was really hoping this would catch on with the younger generation.

"Anyone else sell me out?" Arachne did find it comforting knowing who get their the living crap haunted out of them when she would gain her ghostly revenge.

"Just Medusa." All the others simply told him to inappropriate acts to himself, Asura or his own mother, often not even or. "You're free to go." He said to Medusa as he moved his scythe and Medusa took this chance to flee with her life.

"Medusa!" The witch turned to see her sister give her one final warning before she entered the fight of her life. "Just remember that snitches get stitches."

A middle finger was shown and reciprocated before Medusa went out of sight and Arachne prepared for her epic battle with Lord Death over the future of the earth and all who lived in it.

"Are you ready Arachne?" Lord Death knew what was at risk as well, Arachne was a cunning opponent and one to be feared. She was even rumoured to be as powerful as Mabaa when at her full power, which meant that Lord Death would need to fight at that level also as a smirk appeared on Arachne's face.

"Born that way."

* * *

"Evidently, I was born wrong."

An hour into the battle and it became obvious that Arachne was going to lose, she managed to gain some good blows but there was only so much that she could do before getting tired and out of power, so she chose to flee with some form of pride intact and hoped to just drink this problem away with all the others.

"ARACHNE!" Son of a bitch. "Come out so I can reap your soul." Lord Death demanded, as if she would actually do such a thing.

"Fuck that." The spider witch whispered to herself as she tried to contact the others using magic. "Anyone there? Shaula? Giriko? Mosquito? Viral?"

"Here, illustrious sister." Shaula looked safe as the bodies of other witches were visible around her.

"Here with a kicked arse." Giriko reluctantly said as he appeared to be covered in wounds and cuts.

"Likewise." Mosquito added as he was in a similar state after the battle with Asura and his ability to spit energy. "He was barely able to defeat us."

"Still got his arm though."

"He can regrow them."

"Fuck."

Arachne didn't have time for this shit.

"Look." That got their attention. "We're going to execute Plan B, assume the war has been lost and scatter the others."

Plan B was basically slowing production down and keeping under the radar, having Arachne sealed in a golem until the world had either forgotten about her or when Lord Death was in a bad enough position that Arachnophobia could rise again while the inner council divided duties until Arachne returned.

Plan A was just blow shit up until Arachne was running things. They were not very good at this sort of thing without Arachne.

"I will monitor the plan." Mosquito volunteered as he hoped to look better in Arachne's eyes and gain the power to get rid of the rummy.

"I shall maintain experiments and Witch support." Shaula was trying to keep Mosquito off her territory as illustrious sister's super best friend.

"Guess I'm making sure you don't get your butt reaped." Giriko was trying to score some booty from someone above 18.

"Ha ha." Arachne was not in the mood and desperately needed a drink after all this crap. "I'll make sure you all do your jobs right."

She looked back at the devastation and found the reserve champagne, drinking from the low quality piss like an animal, she wondered when it all went so wrong...oh yeah, Medusa was a bitch.

"This day could have gone better." She said to herself before turning to the image of a now-drunk Giriko. "There had better be high-quality champagne when I get out, Giriko."

God help him if she wasn't drunk the minute she got out.

"Relax, it won't be that long. Just until the heat dies down." In hindsight, Giriko could have phrased that in a better fashion.

"Just put me in the damn golem."

* * *

"Well I lost her." Death finally admitted after three hours of shouting out 'ARACHNE!', normally that would have worked but it seemed she died.

Only possible way.

As Death was being very incompetent and illogical today, Asura soon flew towards his friend in a damaged state as he seemed surrounded in cuts and bruises while his right arm looked recently regrow with it's paler-then-usual state.

"What happened to you?" Death asked as he somehow raised a whatever counts as his eyebrow.

"I don't wanna talk about it."

_"Aw, did the big baby get the ever-loving crap kicked out of him?"_

"Shut up, Vajra."

"Vajra being a douche?"

"As always."

"Sound like him."

_"I hate my life."_

And it hated Vajra too.

Asura would later go on a rampage and kill hundreds until Death decided to seal him away inside his own skin in a temple below the foundations of Shibusen so that the chaos of the world could be controlled.

In 13th century Nevada.

He did not think that part out very well.

Medusa would later steal Arachne's research on madness in blood, continuing her tradition of being a backstabbing bitch, and would soon raise teh most adorabubble child of all time and abuse the crap out of him/her because she was a bitch like that. The backstabbing would never end with her.

Shaula remained loyal, putting on the façade of an inferiority complex as she created minions of the second highest standard, all for the hope of being able to wear that amazing sun-hat that she owned and be able to be the second in command when Arachne returned.

Yes to the former but no to the latter. On the bright side, that sun-hat was a reward by itself.

Mosquito would lead operations and try to form secret political connections, ageing him horribly as most of said contacts were then wiped out in the wars and turmoil of the 19th and 20th century because they hated Mosquito, meaning that he needed to make new connections and became a midget.

Giriko, on the other hand, managed to maintain his youth through Soul Inbreeding where he transferred his soul and memories to his child would gain their power, with the horrific downside of large amounts of his power and causing his soul to become more fragile.

That was one time. He did this around thirty times.

Finally, Arachne waited for the right time to strike, sending out spiders to all corners of the world as she created new species of spiders as a results and then managed to learn more and more about potential attacks points and even found someone who attracted her eye. This person seemed to have a powerful soul, a fragile sense of self and just needed love.

And that was how she now wanted to get jiggy with Crona. But that was a story for another time.

While no one gave a crap about Viral. Not even you.


End file.
